Heart of a Medic

2 out of 3 days of hospital attachment; i've seen enough blood thru all the accidents, and mind you; it's not Hollywood that i'm talking about here. It's real, fresh blood splurting from patients crying out for their mothers, or the name of a certain deity. Real patients with bones so broken, it reminded me of my constant bone chewing habits during lunch and dinner. Majority of these patients experienced what we call an "open fracture" - bones that are fractured and protruding out of the flesh, causing massive bleeding. And as the medic there, i had to help clear up the mess and bandage the casualty, i can't simply stand there and watch, i had to do something, my medic instinct soon took over me. No matter how small it seemed, i was willing. Guess in these fleeting moments i experienced what they call "the heart beat of the medic" - to save lives, reduce suffering, show care, concern and compassion to all those i treat. The single most important lesson i learnt - It's easy to treat a patient, you just simply follow procedures, stop the bleeding, infuse the patient with normal saline or glucose 10% etc. But the most difficult thing is to go to the patient's level, to look the patient in the eye and assure him that you're in good hands. To smile and bring comfort to them in their moment of pain - that is the very beating heart of the true medic. I've treated many elderly folks, and i'm simply disgusted (if thats the right word to use) by the lack of attention that these people recieve from their own children - their own flesh and blood whom they brought up with sweat and blood, and now they're simply left alone to fend for themselves. These are the people whom i refer to as "the forgottens of our society". The quest for money, power, status, career, and more money, more power, more status, more career has turned us into animals, with no regards to those whom have seen us thru, with no regards to loving "our neighbours". Yes, we've created an excellent society, but at what price?! We have gained the world, but sold our souls in the name of progress and success. What's the point of being first in every international standard when our children don't even understand the joys of a happy childhood? I was blessed to have an extremely happy childhood (but no so true for the kind of friends i had as a kid...) I was active, i played soccer, i climbed trees, i particularly enjoyed "block catching" and "night cyclings". Now, as i look at my nephews, i'm quite sad to see that their entertainment lies only with the TV. I remembered that it was okie to fall down back then while learning to ride a bicycle, actually, it was the only way to learn how to cycle. I had a father who was willing to let me suffer cuts and bruises, he recognised that toughness can only be cultivated thru pain. My nephew is almost 10, and he can't even ride a bicycle. I'm simply appalled at what we've created - a generation of whimps, whiners, softies (no not the 7-11 kind).

Oh well, leaving you on a low note.

Sayonara

Attachment

Sorry for the long delay over updating, apparently i had to setle some error on my computer, which till now i'm not really over with. So tata, here am i to talk about the ups and downs of my one week plus. Bascially it's another usual week of hassle and tassle over my medical protocols ie hypoglycemia, anaphylatic, Congested Cardiac Failure Protocols blar blar blar, al lthe usual medical nonsense. Though it was good to acquire such knowledge, it was a nightmare trying to prepare for my medical paper and above all, the dreaded practical test. Well, in the midst of late nights and suffering from the ill effects of a flu, i managed to mug till i secured a pass in my medical theory paper. But as much as i thought i was preapred for my medical practical, i was pretty nervous and jumpy, cause i knew that my make or break depends on my results. I really prepared very hard for this prac test, practising over and over again till i could practically sound off the enitre Head To Toe examination in my sleep....

"I'm looooooking at the Jeneraaaal Appearanceeeee.... whaaat do i seeeeee.....?"

Sigh.

And it did happen, while i was taking the practical test conducted by a Sergeant from an external unit, i nearly made a fatal-immediate-failure mistake. I tried to do respiratory rescue with the BVM (the big black pump used for bagging someone) with 100% O2 to a patient that was not suffering from any respiratory distress (It was tricky, he was using slight accessory muscles and nasal flaring while he was breathing. But his SPO2 count was at 97 - which was pretty normal) Thank goodness my casualty was a good friend of mine, and he warned me by staring at me with that Hey-you-got-it-wrong looks. I relented. I did the right thing. Phew. And ever since that i was pretty jumpy and nervous throughout the whole call. At the end of the day during the test debrief, i made a critical mistake; i did not sound off that patient had to load and go during my decision point. But i felt it was fair, coz i really did sound out, but made the point that i would stay and treat first to ease patient's respiratoy distress. That totally ruin my whole day, though he said that my call was overall quite well done - my protocols were smooth and my HTT was solid. I guess these two things saved my little trip to the gallows.

But many of my friends didn't make it. Here i honour them. *Bang* Gun salute.

And today (251105) i experienced my first ambulance attachment with the SCDF. It was heck of a day man! Really fun. I was attached to this really nice group of people who made me feel really welcomed in their midst. The paramedic that was the crew leader was a really nice 25 year old lady, fun and quirky, and she had an amazing sense of humour. The two other medics were equally crazy people, and i endeded up chatting with one of them for almost 3 hours about life. Okie here's my score sheet for today.........

2 delievery case, 1 assault case, and 1 fainting/fits case.

Pretty cool, especially the 2 delievery cases, though what we did was only to send them to the hospital, but it was quite an exciting feeling, to be able to witness the process of the miracle of child birth. I can't help but being reminded of what my mom had to go thru to deliever me. =P
Then there was the case of a vagrant who attacked a banglah worker. The worker's thumb was literally crushed by the impact of a slamming door, and then attacked by the vagrant using an umbrella. But of coz the worker fought back, and managed to restrain the vagrant till the police arrived. I was given the chance to bandage the worker's thumb, and it was really soaked in blood! But i did the bandaging nonetheless. =P The fits case was unique - this man was entering into a situation where he was vibrating violently, almost like a possession case. He had slight foaming and his eyeballs were rolled up. Oh well. Sadly i only saw 4 cases today, i hope there'll be much more when i go for my attachment at Tan Tock Seng...

Drivers sent to die.

Okie, it's a pretty lame statement to make, drivers are sent to die...

No wait, before you people in camp ram me down with a 5 Tonner, let me explain myself.

It's just a lame realization i made after playing a new game that i managed to acquire from Daniel. After undergoing thru many frustrating hours of trying to install the game. I proudly declare that SUDDEN STRIKE 2 is now on my comp! (Even tho i can't figure out what's wrong with the installation, and i have to load the game via unorthodox ways...)

In the game i get to play at the major powers that fought in the Second World War. And as usual, i started out with glorious Germany invading the Soviet Union. Well, with the usual infantry tactics and tank blitzkrieg, i also had to rely heavily on artillery, which was pretty dumb coz i did not have any field of sight to what ever i was trying to hit. Well, u can't exactly hit something you can't see, so i felt that the arty were useless.....

Until i set my eyes on my trucks that looked suspiciously like 5 Tonners....

And i started to send them one by one to the front to recon. And being pretty...erm...unarmed, they blew up in a glorious burst of fire, sending the driver sky high with a burnt butt. As i was doing that, i couldn't help but imagine people i knew in camp driving these suicide tonners to get a better picture of where and what the enemy was doing. haha. And they go "Booooooom..." Imagine Too Lip Sam dying in a blaze of glory. hahahahahahahahahaha. Okie okie... i'm sorry guys, especially those people in the Driver's Bunk... (I think i'll find my bed defaced when i get back tonite to camp...)

Okie, pretty lame post, i got nothing better to do.

But it's my post, and it's my right, and the reason for posting such a lame post is beause i'm going back to camp now.... Okie bye people.

Remember, if you need to recon, sent in the Tonnerssssss.....

*Music by Wagner starts playing in the background*

The Fuhrer Principle.

I've rediscovered something that i haven't really thought about for quite some time since i was Company IC back in Tekong. My sytle of leadership. What set my mind thinking on this issue? Well, since i hold an appointment as Decon IC and Team One Leader, and pretty soon i'll be a spec, i was more or less evaluating how my team and those i led have progressed since i took the helm of the team.

I noticed that i've become more...what's the word... brutal? Though i know the importance of balancing men and mission, i tend to side more with accomplishing the mission, even if at the cost of my relationship with my team. It's a Catch 22 situation here - it's either i do or die, but if i do, i'll still die. So might as well die in a blaze of glory! Ha! But such "Banzai Charge" tactics do cost me something. I noticed that i have taken this style of personality (to accomplish my mission even at the cost of lives) back to my family and church. Such gung ho tactics work in a army setting, but it gets quite sensitive in a family and especially a church setting. This style of leadership has a lethal mix of recklessness, lack of empathy, and a kind of sarcasm. It also involves moments when my limit is easily tested, to the point that i had to walk away many times to cool down before i pulled the trigger on my friends and family. I admit, i've got an anger problem.

It's exactly this problem that holds me back from serving any leadership position in church, even if it's a small one. Only recently have i decided that perhaps my constant hiding is a waste of time, and i took up the offer to mentor someone junior in the faith. I pray that i will not fall, as i had before many times in the past. Now i'm here not to please men or fufill any moral obligation. I serve because i know i need to; there's so much need out there in the world, all i can do now is start first in church, to meet these needs albeit in small ways, whatever ways i can. I've been brutally honest with myself recently over the reasons why i serve in the ministry ie the Worship Ministry, and even as we speak here, i'm still filtering and putting these thoughts into place. I hope that i'll be able to purge those that are unclean, and understand the greater purpose in doing all these.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention about Ruth and Adrian's Big Wedding Day! Ha! It was so touching, the whole thought of it. Of how God molded two completely different people into One. And in both their lives i see the hand of God moving. How He used Adrian to...erm...make Ruth more "female"? And how He had sustained their love together thru all the tough times. Their wedding was a good respite from all the horrible things that are happening around. It was the time when we stopped to ponder the amazing plans that God has for us, even to it's finest details, and how involved He was with our lives. Ha i still can remember the time when i talked to Ruth back in 2001, when she mentioned that she was praying for a good husband... And 4 years later, God really answered her prayer by bringing in Adrian, one of the nicest guys i've ever met, whom i had the privilege to serve under back in the old M.A.D cell. Now they're off to start their little home somewhere in Bishan, and i'm sure many good years will follow them.

And the guys (MAD cell) had some sort of Retreat on wed nite over Shaun's place. It was one of those few moments when i actually enjoyed myself in the fellowship of the Saints. I guess because there were no girls around! haha. Joking. we shared our lives, on what God was doing these few months, and i was really touched when many of them shared honestly about their struggles and pains. It's in such honesty we find healing; it's in sharing to one another that we carry one another's burden. We shared about life, secular music, and not to forget our lamentations on the female race in our generation, and the impending doom and extinction of men (as in males) as finding a good wife was becoming increasingly difficult. We also shared about finding acceptance in an increasingly biased society, even in church. We talked about the hurts we've experienced, and how sometimes we try so hard to become someone else other than who we really are. We prayed, and it was indeed a time of edifying and strengthening of each other. Indeed, may the corruption never enter our cell, may it stay clear and pure, a city of refuge for the broken hearted.

Well, time to go, long day tomorrow. =P