Some stuff money just can't buy.

There are just some things that money can't buy. For others, there's the SAF. =P

Seriously, this picture was taken outfield for our spec course. I took this pic with Buk, my buddy all the way since BMT, and even now he tends to gatecrash my bunk to wack me.

Sigh, i do seriously miss those days in the field, full battle gear awaiting for combat like any 9 year old kid would. The thrill of awaiting an ambush, or displaying acts of courage, even though it's only simulation. (Someone commented to me as i was screaming into the radio for reinforcement "Dom, this is not a hollywood movie!" =P)

And as night covered the land, i laid there, in full battle gear, staring up at the night sky. Only one word can describe the feeling...

Beautiful.

With so many high rised buildings in Singapore, you hardly get the chance to see the night sky clearly. And somewhere in the centre of mandai, around midnight, i laid there gazing in awe at the beauty of the night sky. The stars were arrayed perfectly, declaring the glory of their Maker, and as i sat there, i couldn't help but be amazed.

Sigh...

Only one God can make all these, can paint such a picture.

Only One God can keep it all in place, in the vastness of the entire universe.

Time stood still, as that surreal moment soon gave way to gunfire... (okie...thunderflash actually)

How i wish for another such encounter.

Sleepless Night.

I'd recieved exciting news from Jachin that he's planning to get married next year National Day.

Imagine the look on my face when i recieved that phone call from Jachin. Haha.

Of coz i rejoiced for my brother, these things are always joyous occasions.

But what struck me the most was:

Hey.

We're not kids anymore. All the boyish nonsense that we once had have all somehow disappeared, being laid crush under the effects of trying to mature, sometimes even prematurely, to be what we were supoposed to be, to bear new burdens, to face new challenges and uncertainties.

My generation has grown up.

We are kids no more.

We are men.

As lame as it sounds, but to me, it hit me subtely. As i sat there in the cold spec mess all alone after recieving that phone call from Jachin, i couldn't help but remember the good old times, the times when relationships and marriage were the least of our concerns. Now, somehow our table conversation evolves around the who's and the when's of our future, of cars, HDBs, and wedding locations.

It kinda scares me.

Well, at least it's not a lost of innocence, but rather a growing process where we men learn to take up our God-given roles as He intended, and i'm glad to se Jachin moving on to fulfill the role of a husband, and perhaps, in due time, a father. =)

The next question that hit me (and i suspect most of my cell guys were hit by this flying projectile) was:

Hey.

Jachin's only 2 years older, and he's getting married.

What in the world are we doing?

These are honest fears.

Fears that people don't usually know or willing to admit.

It's a fear that I've been in an all guys environment for so many donkey years, that somehow i find relating to the opposite gender a mammoth task. Somehow, as ironically as it sounds, my comfort zone was in the spectrum of an all guys cell. (I spent at least 85% of my cell time in all guys cell) and now when i've reached a suitable age for courtship, i don't have the courage to do it. Even if God willing.

It's a fear that somehow you'll miss out that God-given opportunity, and everything else passes you by, leaving you stranded and alone. I've tasted the bitter water of loneliness, and i do not deny that it hurts alot, a mortal wound to an already fragile heart.

It's a fear that i can never match up to the standards. That I have nothing attractive to offer, nothing worthy to give.

Laugh as you may, but these really are genuine fears that has haunted me for years, and only recently had i subjected them under the control of Christ.

I've created My own prison, as the Creed song goes.

Last night i couldn't sleep.

I spent almost the entire night thinking about it. It wasn't an oppressive feeling, i guess God wanted to talk. And talked we did. And somehow along the way, our conversation enter the realm of the soul mate. It wasn't planned for, i had no intention to mention it, since i felt that my immediate future after i ORDed was the most pressing issue.

As i sat there staring at my flickering Ikea lamp, i took out my journal and started writing something that i've never really written about.

What I really wanted in a soul mate.

It was a short post, cause i realized that i don't really have any fixed requirements other than those that are considered prerequsite to even consider in the first place.

The most important thing that i wanted in my soulmate is a heart that loves God, and from it flows a love for me.

For it is in loving Perfect Love, we learn to love in all our inperfections.

And that there would be mutual acceptance that is not based on looks, financial abilities, status or intelligence.

Whao, i'm being brutally honest.

At least i got nothing to hide.

Remember, remember, the 9th of April.

Dietriech Bonhoeffer,

Pastor, theologian, nazi resister, and martyr for the cross.

Hanged on a cold night in the woods near Flossenberg Concentration Camp.

Remember him, who in a time of peril, stood up and shone as a light in the Nazi darkness.

His life simply challenges me, it reminds me that this Gospel we preach and hear every sat and sunday is not a cheap one; it had been bought by the blood of the Lamb, and countless martyrs paid the ultimate price for this Gospel.

Someone once said that the blood of the saints is the foundation of the Church.

Why would someone like Bonhoeffer die for his faith? He understood that life on earth was temporal, and that the whole duty of man was to fear God and do what was right, if it meant civil disobedience, even outright insurrection. His example challenges us to rethink our commitment to the cause of the Cross.

Will we, in this hour of need, shrink back from fear?

Or will we speak out?

In the words of Martin Niemoller's last sermon before he was arrested by the Gestapo...

"We have no more thought of using our own powers to escape the arm of authorities than had the Apostles of old. No more are we ready to keep silent at man's behest when God commands us to speak. For it is, and must remain, the case that we must obey God rather than man."

...we must obey God rather than man.

Rain of Mercy.

I love rain.

No, not that Korean hunk who happens to share the same name as the elements.

I'm talking about rain, downpour, drizzles, tears from heaven etc.

There's something in me that springs up with delight whenever it rains. I always believe that there's something magical in tha rain; something that renews, that calms me down. The sound of thunder and flashes of lightning, the image of rain pouring down on a dry land simply gets to me.

It's really pretty, as i remember a picture of old that i recently saw - a picture of the Scottish Highlands...

...and it was raining.

Pretty.

Contrary to alot of other people, i simply love the feeling of standing in the middle of a downpour, as long as my attire permits me, and allow the rain to simply fall on me, running thru my hair (or what's left of it) and down my face. I remember the time when i had my situational test at Pulau Tekong, as i ran from cover to cover, heaven poured forth little droplets of rain, and at that moment, it all became surreal.

Weird isn't it? The kind of things we love.

Rain of mercy.

Rain of mercy that falls on all His children, sweet rain that pours forth from heaven unto the little children.

Pretty.

"The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none.
The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them."
~ Deuteronomy 28:12-14

I will obey, because I love You...

...and i don't want the rain to stop.

Flames of Revival.

Strangely, the strongest fire burns in my heart.

I'll never forget Saturday, the 1st of April.

That day i cried out to God when i saw the affliction that was on the church.

Yes, the church.

We've been talking so much about how this generation of youths is lost in a life of misery, of aimlessness, with no purpose in their lives but to eat, sleep, make money, and die. Youths living a lifestyle that would put Sodom and Gomorrah in shame. As i was pondering this thought, Ps Ben's sermon touched my heart, that this corruption has crept into the Church. I believe that many of us had this "Fortress Church" thinking, that sin can never possibly enter the church.

We were so wrong.

Some would feel uncomfortable talking about this. I will talk about it nonetheless.

The Church is in a sad state today in Singapore. We have grown by alot no doubt. According to stats, Christianity is on the rise among our population, never seen before in recent years ever since the 80's revival. We have rich, beautiful mega churches, we have good and modern bands playing top quality Christian music. We've grown into an idea that we are more than able to handle any situation, and that we are indeed blessed.

Blessings?

Are you sure?

I'm not whacking any churches here, i believe that the Church must be united, and i'm not talking about Revival Centre Church alone, but the united Church of Christ - from every tribe, every language, every culture or background. But to see material growth as a mark of growth, there's really something wrong. I've heard and seen many cases of Christian who profess their faith, yet live their lives sometimes even worse than pagans who do not know God. I was once guilty of that, and even now i struggle in certain areas.

Okie, fine, the Singaporean Churches are growing both in numbers and money, in quality and quantity. But are these things what really God wants? It sort of reminds me about the Church in ancient Laodicea...

"You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."
- Revelation 3:17-20

Wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.

The very words of Jesus. Sad, isn't it? That's the condition of some of us, the state of the Church.

And on the night of 1st April 2006, God showed me this.

How can we bring revival to our lost generation when we the people of God walk unfaithfully before him?

This very thought let me to an outcry.

"God! Have mercy on me! Have mercy on us! We are a wretched and perverse generation. Deliver us! Deliver us! Let your Judgment passover us! We want to walk blameless and upright before You!"

Like Israel, we have turned our hearts from the one true living God. We have followed and worshipped after idols that we have set up. Idols of Self, of materialism, of sexual immorality, shrines to honour our own power, own achievement, our own success even in the Church.

I don't know why, but this really breaks my heart.

It does.

And in that instance, my heart was set a flamed. I prayed that we will not yield ground anymore to the enemy. It echoes the same cry i made months back, that never again shall we be victims, but we will take the offensive and strike where it really hurts; not throwing empty daggers of words and theatrics at him, it's time we bring in the weapons of mass destruction.

The words of the Prophet Joel....

Let the priests, who minister before the LORD,
weep between the temple porch and the altar.
Let them say, "Spare your people, O LORD.
Do not make your inheritance an object of scorn,
a byword among the nations.
Why should they say among the peoples,
'Where is their God?' "
- Joel 2:16

It's the same cry our Church made that night. The same cry made by all our forefathers. The same cry that resounded in the heart of a carpenter's son as He went to the cross not becoz of power or fame, but becoz of a simple love for you and me.

Repentance of sin was the mark of every revival outbreak. The time of the outpouring is at hand. It has never been so exciting to live in such a time like this. And i pray that the flames of revival that is burning in many hearts this day will continue to rage on, till He establishes His Kingdom on earth.

So mein brothers, we are called to be God's Flamethrower division, to set hearts on fire, to spread forth the flames of revival, and to vanquish the enemy's strongholds.

God speed.

The King of the Golden Hall.

What's my obsession with the military? It's amazing how i can immerse myself in the world of guns and swords while others find it boring, even sometimes down right stupid. Call it an obsession; call it boyish childishness (if there's even such a word to begin with...).

But to me, it's a way of life, it's more than an interest.

There's something that always get the better of me in the clash of arms. Though i must say that i know the horrendous effects war can have on societies, or even civilizations on whole. I do not believe in a bad or good war.

St. Augustine believed in the theory of a "Just War", fought in the name of justice and against repression.

Sun Tzu remarked that war had a certain attribute that sharpens a man in unknown and unexplainable ways.

Von Clauwitz proclaimed that war was "the solution to internal disunity, bringing about whole nations and animating them into one spirit".

Adolf Hitler told his aspiring Hitler Youths that "war, to men, is like what giving birth is to women" and famously declared that "for a nation to stay healthy and uncorrupted, it must go to war from time to time, perhaps every 20 to 30 years".

Of course i don't buy all these statements completely; but i cannot deny that there are some truths in such words.

Enough for this sociology lesson now.

To simply explain my obsession here - i love the expressions of emotion in battle, values highly honoured by all soldiers around the world - Courage, steadfastness in battle, and a strange contempt for death. A true soldier greets danger like an old friend, and sees death not as necessarily a bad end, but a continuation of an ideal that was worth fighting, and dying for. In Singapore, one of the few countries to have compulsory conscription as part of her defence policy, many symbols will come the way of a recruit, like beacons marking each significant parts of their life in the SAF.

I remembered a boy gave way to a man when I received Butt Number 25 - my M16S1 Rifle, on that cloudy evening facing the coast of Changi Beach. You suddenly grow every fast in that moment when you realized that entrusted to you was not a piece of common metal. It was a rifle, with the ability to kill someone. Yes, that is what makes us grow up, when we realize the amount of power that has been given to us, power never held before and that can alter the life of another person.

So back to me, it is me, you can never separate war and Dom. Some may like it, some may feel weird about this whole thing, some will insult and pass comments that will hurt. But i have found my passion in these, and i am not ashamed to display it as long as i live. I lived out a passion, and did not hide it as if it was something of an abomination. True, this interest has distant many from me, flocking to those with other more "likable" characters. I know that i will never display such popular or charismatic response to others, but it is in our different composites of interests that makes the church a beautiful place.

No two person are the same.

We are all part of God's grand painting on this canvas called "life". =)

So, at the end of the day, are you really living out something that you like? Or are you repressing it, especially the "weirder kinds" of personality or interests? Everyone dies, but not all truly lived.

Be yourself in church (of coz not the sinful nature); be who you really are around your friends. Be honest and true to one another so that God may be glorified in the end.

I'm being Dom, as how He would like me to be....