One of those posts again.
Yep, it's one of those posts again - seemingly irrelevant and directionless posts typed out of a deep profound sense of "quality boredom", a new term i coined in camp to describe the relaxing effects of just slacking around and thinking about the finer things of life.
Had a wonderful church service today, and i didn't realise it till i was in church, that today was Christmas eve?! (What?!) But it did felt different this year. I wouldn't know whether it's a good thing or bad thing, but somehow the supposed atmosphere of such "joyous" occasion somehow eludes me strangely. Hmmmm, as i was part of the choir/back up team, and during the preparation i felt this strange old familiar feeling - i felt kinda, alone?
I don't really know how to describe to you this feeling, it's a feeling that you don't really have anyone to talk to for a very long time. Yes, i do talk to people, but it's really been sometime since i had a heart to heart talk with anyone. I use to have good friends, friends that would provide me with a very good listen ear. And strangely most of these people were of the different gender..... No, it's not that i'm a flirt, what wrong with having a few good female friends? And there was 2 of them whom i really enjoyed talking to. Strane, i wonder why females, perhaps they're more sensitive? Perhaps it's a generally accepted fact that they're better listeners than guys? Yes, i enjoy talking to the guys in my cell, but in certain cases, i felt more comfortable in sharing to these 2, whom i have built a close rapport over the months before i entered the armed service.
Yes, i do miss the companionship of these 2 friends, the times when we hanged out for no particular reason but to have fun. Now, after almost a year in army, i have lost contact, or rather to put it in better terms, connection. This separation was more of a choice than of circumstances, even though it did play a big part in my decision.
The army has "neutralized" me. I have found things i could never possibly find in a civilian life. And i'm not ashamed to admit it - entering the armed forces was one of the best times of my life. Now.... someone said the same thing, that his time in the trenches were the best time of his life. Guess who said that? =) Adolf Hitler. Someone once asked me, "how could you ever find meaning serving in the army?" Well, i couldn't really give him an intelligent answer; i was never intelligent in the first place. I just told him what i truly believed in - who else will bear arms if not us? I may sound overtly garang, or even be labelled as an unrealistic romantic idealist. But i never doubted my purpose in the army; to defend that which i hold dear to.
I know you're laughing at me while you're reading this.
I remember the first few days in the army, way back in alittle island off the coast of Singapore known sarcastically as Tekong Resort, i pondered about the meaning of national service, thinking about why do i serve? Why do i need to bear arms other than the fact that it was compulsory for all Singaporean males to bear arms? And somehow it struck me at my rifle presentation, that i was doing this not because of my country, even though i have sworn allegience to it. No, my allegience laid in my family, my friends, those whom i hold dear to, those whom i cherish. As i pondered about the significance, i realised that you will defend that which is dearest to you. Being a history student, and a ardent student of war, i understood the meaning of being conquered, of being a subjugated people under the harsh rule of a foreign power. It happened in the Japanese occupation, as i fondly remembered the stories my dad used to tell me of his childhood; of how he and my grand parents would hide in the drains as Japanese bombers flew over Singapore and unloaded their deadly cargo upon helpless civilian. I recalled the accounts of murder, of the infamous "sookching" operation where thousands of young chinese were rounded up and brought to the beaches sorrounding Singapore to be gunned down in cold blood. My mom told me of how her uncle got brought away in one such operation, never to be seen again. There were tales of mass rapes, of how terrible and brutal life was under the rule of a foreign power unrelated in anyway by race or blood.
As i stood there facing the famous landmark Changi Airport Control Tower waiting to receive my M16, the emblem of my service to my nation, the cold wind that blew on my face seemed to pull me back to the times of the Jewish uprising in AD70, where 300 Jewish zealot rebels held up in the fotress of Masada killed themselves rather than be captured alive by the Romans. And how officers in the now modern day Israeli Defence Force would be comissioned upon the same rocks of Masada, declaring the oath "Never Again shall our people suffer such a fate".
And i uttered, "Never again."
Never again shall we be ruled by a foreign power. Never again shall my family undergo thru the painful ordeal of losing a loved one. Never again shall we stand by and watch. I was eager to prove that my love for all things military was not just a empty rhetoric. And to be honest, i was ready, as the oath declares, to defend what i hold dear "with our lives" if need be. Now as i enter my 1 year of service in the army, and newly promoted to 3SG, i remember meeting people who treated training as a waste of time, especially in the Medical Corp. Many people constantly believe that Singapore would never go to war - that was what my grandma said just months before the Japanese came. So, my point? You'll never know. From what proof can you tell me that peace is going to last? Who can be so sure that diplomacy and diplomacy alone can gurantee our survival. Ladies and gentlemen i'm sad to say that many of us have taken our peace for granted. In the recent unveiling of the terrorist organization JI, our nation recieved a rude wake up call to the fact that there are enemies among us that seeks to destroy our way of life, to kill and destroy lives in the name of fasle religion. We must understand that the only way to ensure peace is thru the barrel of the gun; to strike first those who intent to strike us. As a Christian i'm sad to say this - force is necessary. It's a ugly affair, but force is necessary.
That's why the army exist.
And being in a operational unit, i take my training seriously. I understood the fact that the enemies i faced are real, not so simulated enemy from Country X. And in the process i have offended certain people who are more inclined to "resting". I'm not saying that resting is wrong, or that we can't slack.
But there's a time for everything.
Imagine when we're activated, and suddenly you reaslised that in the midst of all the casualties, to your upmost horror, you see your father/mother/girlfriend there struggling from a life threatening injury and is about to die unless you do something. You take out your equipment to try to save them, but you realised that you have absoultely no idea how to use it. How would you feel? You've been escaping all the training, and when the real thing comes, you crap in your pants upon the realisation that you could not do what is expected of you to do, because you don't know how.
I know this post will offend many people; i may even be labelled as a hypocrite. But judge me after you have seen what i have achieved in the army, not for me to boast about, but rather to show that i practiced what i preached. By the grace of God i was nominated Company Best, and as i entered MRF i became a Team Leader. And do you believe i achieved all these because i was smart? No! I count myself as one of the slower and dumber learners ever since secondary school, but i was willing to work hard for what i believed in. Being hardworking was my way of honouring He who had placed me in these situations.
Call me whatever name you want, label me in whatever way you want. It doesn't change the fact that i know what my purpose is in where i am now. It doesn't change the fact that God honours those who labour hard in whatever fields they're in. On the contrary i'm pretty frightened that our generation has become soft, as what i normally would say in camp "a bunch of girl guides" (my apologies to all the girl guides reading this. =P), unable to deal with difficult situations, complaining even at the smallest inconvenience. It's true, i should be helping others to change,especially in army. But please for goodness sake remember this, how can i help a person when he himself doesn't want to change? When he himself thinks that i'm such garang lunatic?
And if that fateful day should come, when those who criticise me because of what i believe in lie in a pool of blood crying out for their mothers, i will say to them,
"You should be grateful that i know what to do."
Okie. Enough for today.
Had a wonderful church service today, and i didn't realise it till i was in church, that today was Christmas eve?! (What?!) But it did felt different this year. I wouldn't know whether it's a good thing or bad thing, but somehow the supposed atmosphere of such "joyous" occasion somehow eludes me strangely. Hmmmm, as i was part of the choir/back up team, and during the preparation i felt this strange old familiar feeling - i felt kinda, alone?
I don't really know how to describe to you this feeling, it's a feeling that you don't really have anyone to talk to for a very long time. Yes, i do talk to people, but it's really been sometime since i had a heart to heart talk with anyone. I use to have good friends, friends that would provide me with a very good listen ear. And strangely most of these people were of the different gender..... No, it's not that i'm a flirt, what wrong with having a few good female friends? And there was 2 of them whom i really enjoyed talking to. Strane, i wonder why females, perhaps they're more sensitive? Perhaps it's a generally accepted fact that they're better listeners than guys? Yes, i enjoy talking to the guys in my cell, but in certain cases, i felt more comfortable in sharing to these 2, whom i have built a close rapport over the months before i entered the armed service.
Yes, i do miss the companionship of these 2 friends, the times when we hanged out for no particular reason but to have fun. Now, after almost a year in army, i have lost contact, or rather to put it in better terms, connection. This separation was more of a choice than of circumstances, even though it did play a big part in my decision.
The army has "neutralized" me. I have found things i could never possibly find in a civilian life. And i'm not ashamed to admit it - entering the armed forces was one of the best times of my life. Now.... someone said the same thing, that his time in the trenches were the best time of his life. Guess who said that? =) Adolf Hitler. Someone once asked me, "how could you ever find meaning serving in the army?" Well, i couldn't really give him an intelligent answer; i was never intelligent in the first place. I just told him what i truly believed in - who else will bear arms if not us? I may sound overtly garang, or even be labelled as an unrealistic romantic idealist. But i never doubted my purpose in the army; to defend that which i hold dear to.
I know you're laughing at me while you're reading this.
I remember the first few days in the army, way back in alittle island off the coast of Singapore known sarcastically as Tekong Resort, i pondered about the meaning of national service, thinking about why do i serve? Why do i need to bear arms other than the fact that it was compulsory for all Singaporean males to bear arms? And somehow it struck me at my rifle presentation, that i was doing this not because of my country, even though i have sworn allegience to it. No, my allegience laid in my family, my friends, those whom i hold dear to, those whom i cherish. As i pondered about the significance, i realised that you will defend that which is dearest to you. Being a history student, and a ardent student of war, i understood the meaning of being conquered, of being a subjugated people under the harsh rule of a foreign power. It happened in the Japanese occupation, as i fondly remembered the stories my dad used to tell me of his childhood; of how he and my grand parents would hide in the drains as Japanese bombers flew over Singapore and unloaded their deadly cargo upon helpless civilian. I recalled the accounts of murder, of the infamous "sookching" operation where thousands of young chinese were rounded up and brought to the beaches sorrounding Singapore to be gunned down in cold blood. My mom told me of how her uncle got brought away in one such operation, never to be seen again. There were tales of mass rapes, of how terrible and brutal life was under the rule of a foreign power unrelated in anyway by race or blood.
As i stood there facing the famous landmark Changi Airport Control Tower waiting to receive my M16, the emblem of my service to my nation, the cold wind that blew on my face seemed to pull me back to the times of the Jewish uprising in AD70, where 300 Jewish zealot rebels held up in the fotress of Masada killed themselves rather than be captured alive by the Romans. And how officers in the now modern day Israeli Defence Force would be comissioned upon the same rocks of Masada, declaring the oath "Never Again shall our people suffer such a fate".
And i uttered, "Never again."
Never again shall we be ruled by a foreign power. Never again shall my family undergo thru the painful ordeal of losing a loved one. Never again shall we stand by and watch. I was eager to prove that my love for all things military was not just a empty rhetoric. And to be honest, i was ready, as the oath declares, to defend what i hold dear "with our lives" if need be. Now as i enter my 1 year of service in the army, and newly promoted to 3SG, i remember meeting people who treated training as a waste of time, especially in the Medical Corp. Many people constantly believe that Singapore would never go to war - that was what my grandma said just months before the Japanese came. So, my point? You'll never know. From what proof can you tell me that peace is going to last? Who can be so sure that diplomacy and diplomacy alone can gurantee our survival. Ladies and gentlemen i'm sad to say that many of us have taken our peace for granted. In the recent unveiling of the terrorist organization JI, our nation recieved a rude wake up call to the fact that there are enemies among us that seeks to destroy our way of life, to kill and destroy lives in the name of fasle religion. We must understand that the only way to ensure peace is thru the barrel of the gun; to strike first those who intent to strike us. As a Christian i'm sad to say this - force is necessary. It's a ugly affair, but force is necessary.
That's why the army exist.
And being in a operational unit, i take my training seriously. I understood the fact that the enemies i faced are real, not so simulated enemy from Country X. And in the process i have offended certain people who are more inclined to "resting". I'm not saying that resting is wrong, or that we can't slack.
But there's a time for everything.
Imagine when we're activated, and suddenly you reaslised that in the midst of all the casualties, to your upmost horror, you see your father/mother/girlfriend there struggling from a life threatening injury and is about to die unless you do something. You take out your equipment to try to save them, but you realised that you have absoultely no idea how to use it. How would you feel? You've been escaping all the training, and when the real thing comes, you crap in your pants upon the realisation that you could not do what is expected of you to do, because you don't know how.
I know this post will offend many people; i may even be labelled as a hypocrite. But judge me after you have seen what i have achieved in the army, not for me to boast about, but rather to show that i practiced what i preached. By the grace of God i was nominated Company Best, and as i entered MRF i became a Team Leader. And do you believe i achieved all these because i was smart? No! I count myself as one of the slower and dumber learners ever since secondary school, but i was willing to work hard for what i believed in. Being hardworking was my way of honouring He who had placed me in these situations.
Call me whatever name you want, label me in whatever way you want. It doesn't change the fact that i know what my purpose is in where i am now. It doesn't change the fact that God honours those who labour hard in whatever fields they're in. On the contrary i'm pretty frightened that our generation has become soft, as what i normally would say in camp "a bunch of girl guides" (my apologies to all the girl guides reading this. =P), unable to deal with difficult situations, complaining even at the smallest inconvenience. It's true, i should be helping others to change,especially in army. But please for goodness sake remember this, how can i help a person when he himself doesn't want to change? When he himself thinks that i'm such garang lunatic?
And if that fateful day should come, when those who criticise me because of what i believe in lie in a pool of blood crying out for their mothers, i will say to them,
"You should be grateful that i know what to do."
Okie. Enough for today.
posted by DoMiniC at 12/24/2005 11:59:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home