New Year.
Yep, in a twinkling of an eye, 2005 has drawn to an end. Now i stand at the threshold of a new year. Some say that the new year brings new promises of new beginnings. During Sat's End of Year Service, we were told to "be better" in the coming new year. I don't really like the phrase "be better". I dunno, guess maybe it's the way i see things.
I believe that yes, even though we must try our best in everything we do, but we can't "be better". No. My prayer this year rather is to "know Christ more in His Death, and experience the power of His Resurrection" in a even deeper manner. I don't want to become better, no, i want to become weaker, more dependent on a holy grace that was meant for us to hold onto in times of adversity. I don't want to do things better by myself. No, i want to experience that vulnerability that comes from trusting God in every circumstances, the very fact that if God does not act, we shall all perish. I've tried very hard being strong, but usually i end up with just a facade. I had enough of been a pharisee. I want to be real, to experince the life changing power of God i once knew, and see myself being moulded by the Master Potter. I don't want to have the form, yet denying it's power, the form to just show people that i'm still the "strong" Dom i once was.
Guess things have changed somewhat along the way. Bad things, good things. All i know is that i've lost alot of things along the way last year; i'd also gained things. I lost some, i gain some. So it ain't that bad actually. I've lost love, but i relearnt love, above all things. I understood grace when i was rejected and alone. I experienced what it meants to endure, and to fight on even when your strength has left you. Having undergone such experiences, I have become hardened, not in heart, but in facing the storms of life. That's what i want to thank God for. The process wasn't easy, neither was it without pain. On the contrary i suffered greatly, and silently. But like the pheonix, my pain was my rebirth.
And now i see clearly, things which was once clouded to me.
There's alot of things that i still need to change. This i don not deny. There's many things i got to leave behind too. This sword is still not sharp enough, at least not as sharp as it should be.
10 more months to ORD, what am i gonna do? Been having this weird tugging in my heart to take a course on ministry, perhaps Bible School, given the fact that i got about 7 months free before university starts. Of coz, i'm still keen on that trip to Israel! Really excited on going there. And i'm planning to buy back lots of cool stuff like a shofar, a menorah, and all the IDF stuff. =)
Okie, short post tho, but it's just a little of what i really want to say.
I believe that yes, even though we must try our best in everything we do, but we can't "be better". No. My prayer this year rather is to "know Christ more in His Death, and experience the power of His Resurrection" in a even deeper manner. I don't want to become better, no, i want to become weaker, more dependent on a holy grace that was meant for us to hold onto in times of adversity. I don't want to do things better by myself. No, i want to experience that vulnerability that comes from trusting God in every circumstances, the very fact that if God does not act, we shall all perish. I've tried very hard being strong, but usually i end up with just a facade. I had enough of been a pharisee. I want to be real, to experince the life changing power of God i once knew, and see myself being moulded by the Master Potter. I don't want to have the form, yet denying it's power, the form to just show people that i'm still the "strong" Dom i once was.
Guess things have changed somewhat along the way. Bad things, good things. All i know is that i've lost alot of things along the way last year; i'd also gained things. I lost some, i gain some. So it ain't that bad actually. I've lost love, but i relearnt love, above all things. I understood grace when i was rejected and alone. I experienced what it meants to endure, and to fight on even when your strength has left you. Having undergone such experiences, I have become hardened, not in heart, but in facing the storms of life. That's what i want to thank God for. The process wasn't easy, neither was it without pain. On the contrary i suffered greatly, and silently. But like the pheonix, my pain was my rebirth.
And now i see clearly, things which was once clouded to me.
There's alot of things that i still need to change. This i don not deny. There's many things i got to leave behind too. This sword is still not sharp enough, at least not as sharp as it should be.
10 more months to ORD, what am i gonna do? Been having this weird tugging in my heart to take a course on ministry, perhaps Bible School, given the fact that i got about 7 months free before university starts. Of coz, i'm still keen on that trip to Israel! Really excited on going there. And i'm planning to buy back lots of cool stuff like a shofar, a menorah, and all the IDF stuff. =)
Okie, short post tho, but it's just a little of what i really want to say.
posted by DoMiniC at 1/02/2006 12:38:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home