Precious Moments.

On Thursday I had to settle some stuff arrowed to me by my superiors in camp. And being the ex-logistic spec, I gladly offered my expertise and services to them, since the guys who took over were shorthanded and busy. My task was to organize a group of guys to head down to various locations to collect some important supplies. And so in our typical MRF efficiency, I organized the groups, appointed the ICs, arranged for the relevant tonners blar blar blar. Thank God everything went smoothly with no major hiccup.

And I met a couple of old friends from the place (Louis happened to be based there) where I collected my supplies, and we reminisce about the good old days of Combat Medic Course P022.

And as we got ready to leave that place, the clouds started to collect, and I’m sure I could smell the rain in the air. So in double quick time, we packed everything, and left the camp in the hope to escape the rain.

I hopped on to the back of the tonner with Jacky (my IPE spec), wanting to get a breath of fresh air instead of the aircon in the driver’s compartment. As we were traveling on the black gravel roads of the SLE Expressway, the evening sky of Bukit Panjang turned a hazy black, shimmering with the warm glow of the descending sun. It was a beautiful sight to behold. And as I sat there, simply gazing at the clouds and allowing the strong wind to blow it’s aroma of the evening scent onto my face, small trickles of rain fell upon my face.

It began to rain.

Delightfully, I allowed the rain upon my face to flow down without swiping it away, enjoying very moment of it. To those who think I’m crazy, here’s the truth – I simply love rain. And as I sat there, gazing out into the evening sky, with the sun slowly diminishing in it’s fiery glory, and with the rain falling from what seemed like heaven, only one word can describe the feeling.

Breathtaking.

I sighed, and wondered how many times in my life have I ever experienced such a surreal moment. I sat back, simply surrendering to the image which beholds me, and just marveling at God’s wonderful creation, and how He had blended all the elements into such a beautiful tapestry of colours among the clouds.

Sometimes I have this selfish thought. It seems as though God had arranged all these to put a smile on my face. Especially in this trying times, as I face the harsh reality of being an adult, with all the responsibilities that are staring back at me like a dead carcass of some sort, it’s cold eyes piercing my soul, as though it knew my greatest unspoken fears. Its claws reaching for my sanity, trying to tear me apart slowly.

The image that was before me was an encouragement.

For all that is holding me back from the edge is God.

Such trying times, I guess, is God’s way of telling me, “Hey, You gotta stop, think about life, think about what really matters.” I’m saying this because for the past few days these were my thoughts. As I lay there on my bed these were constantly on my mind. What really mattered in my life? What’s my purpose and which direction am I exactly heading to in life? Such questions sometimes cannot be answered so easily.

Then questions about ministry popped into my head. Am I doing enough in my cell? Am I doing enough in the ministry? Have I impacted anyone’s life or influenced someone for Christ’s sake? Have I spent enough time in plowing the ground and planting the seeds in others? I’m always afraid that on the Day of Judgment, as I stand before the King, in my hands are only little pieces of what I have done for Him.

And the time has come for me to make a decision that I have not made in recent years. A choice has been issued out to me, to serve in a new area, a new cell. To face my past fears and failures, to stare right into the eyes of my weakness and inabilities, and at the end to decide whether if, just maybe, God indeed is the God of many chances. I know He is. =) And He’s into the business of picking up those who have fallen by the wayside up, and restoring them. It’s a very, very hard decision to make, since accepting the call to a new cell would mean leaving MAD.

And I love MAD.

If there’s one thing that I cannot stop thanking God for, it’s my brothers in MAD. As I sat facing my desk, penning my thoughts down into my journal, I couldn’t help but remember and laugh at the many fun times we shared in MAD. As I sat there in the dim shroud of my table lamp, I couldn’t help but shed a drop of tear to think that if I were to move on, I will have to leave all these behind. MAD has been my greatest blessing. Some find their delight in money, some in their successes or what they have achieved in life, I’ll just smile back, because I’ve been given the greatest blessing of them all, even surpassing all the material wealth or fame – I’ve been given brothers, trustworthy and upright, not the sort that would stain the back of your shirts red with politics and all that nonsense. Brothers whom I say I’m proud to serve side by side with, fantastic cell leaders in Shaun and Jachin, and like-minded soldiers who are willing to sacrifice many a Saturday afternoons to gather in all humbleness of heart to seek the face of a mighty God to move in MAD and in the ministry…

Sigh.

But still…

I have to move on. For it’s not my choice that dictates, but the Will of God. For I heard Him tenderly assuring me in the stillness of the night that He’s given me a talent, and instead of burying it, I must allow the talent to grow, to risk it all for the sake that I may live in the centre of His loving Will. That all the fears I have deep down will melt in the truth that You, O LORD, You enable the willing. Give strength to those who are weak, assurance to those who fear.

I want to hold His hand once again, to gaze at His rain of glory upon my life. Hold on to Him, and watch the lightning flash past before my very eyes, with each blast of thunder echoing His dominion over this little earth, whispering His love over all humanity.

It’s His love.

This will be my banner, as I scale new heights again.

“No fear shall sully thee, ye hearts brave and true.”